It's Personal

I just saw this one and couldn't wait to get home and write about it! Pacific Rim people, let's go!

Here's the thing, if you're a kid at heart and love you some action, run, don't walk to see this film! Think Power Rangers meets Independence Day and you get the sequel to Cloverfield. Say what?!?! Yes, I'm serious. This movie was so, so, so, so, so, sooo much fun! 

Here's the deal kids; an Alien race begins sending these Godzilla/Cloverfield-type creatures through a dimensional portal at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and these bad boys (and girls) come to shore and make a big ole mess; we're talkin' like, of Man of Steel proportions. After wasting countless rounds of ammo to destroy these things, military forces from every country (we're all friends now) get together and decide the fastest and least amount of damage creating (cough-not really-cough) way, is to build giant robots that are capable of throwing down mano-a-mano with the invading badasses. 

Sure the dialog wasn't what one would describe as mentally stimulating, but you get the gist of the plot and the movie moves along at a nice pace to keep you entertained the entire time. Charlie Day even provides us with a little comedy as he plays an adorable scientist who helps figure out how to defeat these alien intruders. The action and visuals were absolutely fantastic though and if you get the chance to see it in IMAX (like I did), you'll appreciate it even more. 

It would make me extremely happy if you all went out and saw this. I'm serious, I hope to see it again, it was that enjoyable. I haven't seen I film I can honestly say was such a good time in quite awhile. Which, when you think about the fact that the entire movie is based on Earth's destruction, is a pretty weird feeling to walk away with, but still, you'll understand when you see it. 

Pacific Rim-go see it! Seriously, stop reading this and go now!

For my Minions

Hooray! Despicable Me 2 is finally here!! And my loves, get excited! It's PACKED with minions!!! Weeee!

Despicable Me 2:

 

Gru is back and he's turned over a new leaf! No longer bent on taking over the world, the family man has started his own line of jams and jellies and is perfectly content making nice with his girls and the minions.

 

Unfortunately, as the old saying goes, Gru tried to get out, but they pulled him back in. Kristen Wiig joins the cast as Lucy, a secret agent for the Anti-Villain League and their mission is to recruit former "bad guys" to help them solve major crimes. At first, Gru wants nothing to do with the group, but he comes to like Lucy and, with a little coaxing from the girls, agrees to work for The AVL.

 

If you liked the first film this is one you'll be very happy with. Again, there's also WAY more minions and, yes, the rumors are true-they're coming out with a Minions movie!!! Get excited you little scamps! Minions 2014!

For Your Consideration

I've got two for the boys and one for the kid in us all. The Hangover III, Fast and Furious 6 (or Fast 6 if you're cool) and Epic. All were enjoyable but none were really amazing. Do I think you should see them? Read on and find out ;)

 

The Hangover: Part III:

 

The boys are back and just as crazy as ever! I was excited about this one purely because Zach Galifinakis can do no wrong and I'll see anything he's in. My man John Goodman is also in this flick so you know there was no way in hell I'd miss it but thankfully, this final installment in the beloved frat-boy franchise was a lot of fun. 

It still wasn't as great as the first movie but it was by far and away better than the second so, still a win. Of the three, this one had the most action and the least amount of outrageousness but again, very much one you should see. While it featured the usual suspects, this film was about about Ken Jeong's character, Leslie Chow. We find him in a Vietnamese (I think) prison. He escapes and John Goodman's character comes after the boys and orders them to help him track Chow down. Poor Doug is kidnapped again but at least this time we know where he is and what has to be done to get him back. Find Leslie Chow! 

 

The movie then gets all kinds of crazy as per usual and the boys end up back in Vegas where it all began. 

Again, nothing will ever be as good as the first film, but I enjoyed this one too. Check it out if you've got the time. 

The Fast & Furious 6:

I'll be honest with you, I've only seen two of the previous films in this franchise. Maybe that doesn't make me an authority but let's be honest, much like the Die Hard franchise, these Fast films are pretty much all based off of the same formula. We drive cars and steal stuff, the authorities try to shut us down, someone usually dies, we get revenge and give audiences crazy chase scenes that are unrealistic in every possible way. You're welcome Hollywood. 

It was entertaining, don't get me wrong here; but it wasn't anything we haven't seen before. Maybe we get some new cars, a few new characters (they have to replace the ones that died in the last movie), but nothing more. The stories are different, you know, we need new reasons to seek revenge, but again, really not so different that each movie demands to be seen. 

Don't be upset if you miss any, there's going to be 12 in all (as of right now anyway) and Fast 7 is already underway. And I'll see them all eventually-especially 7, my boyfriend Jason Statham is going be playing the baddy in the next one so get excited for that! So if you enjoyed any of the other Fast films (I'll understand if you didn't-Paul Walker and Tyrese? Yuck!) you'll really like this installment.  

Epic:

This one was interesting because I wasn't super stoked to see it but I didn't have any reason to not want to check it out. It's full of stars and the storyline reminds me of Fern Gully, which I loved as a kid. So what's the problem?

Well, here's the thing; Epic, wasn't overly, well, epic. It was a good enough kid friendly film, but it really wasn't anything special. I actually saw it twice and still left feeling "meh" about it. 

 

It had it's funny moments, it had it's serious moments, there was a good amount of action and the story moved along at a fairly decent pace. It just wasn't all that and a bag of chips like other kid's films. It didn't even deliver a "we need to be nice to the planet" message like Fern Gully had. It was basically a bunch of little forest soldiers flying around and protecting the plants from an evil army bent on killing everything. 

 

That was part of the problem too: the bad guys had no real goal. Let's kill everything. Okay.... then what? It just didn't really make sense. And again, while it was full of stars, the only entertaining characters were a slug played by Aziz Ansari and a snail played by Chris O'Dowd. Beyonce, Steven Tyler, Colin Farrell, Pitbull, Jason Sudeikis, Amanda Seyfried, Josh Hutcherson  and Christoph Waltz. There were all there. But not one of their characters stood out and gave you a reason to want to see it again. 

Now, if they made a sequel based on the snail and the slug, that would be something I'd gladly see over and over again. They were a hoot and were the main reasons I wanted to see the film in the first place.

So, did I like it? Yup. Was it epic? Sadly no. Should you see it? Meh, your call.

The Impossible

So, so much to say here! I've got two action films, a flick for the tweens and a movie for everyone to chat about today. Let's get started!

 

Man of Steel:

 

 

I refused to see any attempt at a Superman flick after the Reeve era had ended. It just wasn't right you know? But I saw the trailers for this one and said to myself "hotdamn Lizz, this looks bananas" so I broke my own rule and went to check this sucker out.

 

Whoa people, just whoa. They done did my favorite super hero right! Yes, there is always some bitchy complaint any supernerd could make, but overall, this was one hell of a movie. I mean this puppy was EPIC!

 

I'm normally not a fan of Russell Crowe, but boy did Jor-El justice in this role. And I don't know what's going on, but Kevin Costner is stepping up his acting game like crazy these days. I've never been so impressed by two baby-daddys before! Nice work boys!

 

Unfortunately, no matter how great this film was, they still can't manage to make Lois Lane likable. Girlfriend annoys the hell out of me. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I just cannot stand the character. I suppose the fact that every actress that has ever played her has kept me feeling this way, is a testament to their ability to portray her in such an annoying way. Nice job ladies.

 

Regardless, this movie was action packed and stacked, I mean holy crap, they done broke a ton of stuff! They made Armageddon and Independence Day look like home improvement shows. For realz.

 

If you like classic comic book stories, action on an epic scale and big, big movies, this is one for you! I will say, if you're a girl who isn't a fan of loud noises, explosions and a shit-ton of destruction, you might want to skip this one. However, you do get images like this:

 

 

I'm just sayin', if you saw White House Down for Channing, you might want to see this one for Henry :)

 

Go see it!

 

 

World War Z:

 

 

I'll admit, I wanted nothing to do with this film. I love Brad Pitt and all, but Brad Pitt and Zombies? No sir. No.

 

It just didn't make any sense. But, being the good movie reviewer that I am, I sucked it up, got my ticket and strapped in for what I thought would be a ride to Crapsville.

 

Thankfully I was dead wrong. While there is a ton of action, this isn't an action movie. Brad is the hero but he isn't some undefeatable warrior, he isn't even the smartest guy in the room. He just happens to be the guy they need to get the smartest guy to where he needs to be to cure the world of this zombie epidemic.

 

It was very interesting to see an actual realistic portrayal of what would happen should the world suddenly become overrun with zombies. It's not like a horror film. There aren't abandoned streets or days of eternal darkness. It's a real world scenario. People are doing a lot of things in the name of self preservation and sometimes, there just ain't enough room on the boat for everybody.

 

It definitely had a very I am Legand vibe in the sense that the film ends before the zombie apocalypse is taken care of. They know what they need to do, but we don't get to see how well everyone has recovered once the "cure" is handed out.

 

If you're one of the millions of folks (myself excluded obviously) who saw the trailers for this one and said "holy shitsnacks I need to see that!", then moving my friends, this is one film you won't want to miss!

 

The Bling Ring:

 

 

It's always very difficult to review a film based on a true story. How can one review something that actually took place? "Oh I just hated the diary of Anne Frank...." See? Can't really do it... So we're stuck having to review the actors and how the story was told, not the story itself.

 

The Bling Ring is about a group of spoiled California tweens who sit around being bored and vapid. One gal has an appetite for thievery and spends her free time roaming her neighborhood, checking for any open cars parked along the street and stealing any goodies she might find within. She then "discovered" that a neighbor of hers had left a sliding patio door unlocked when they left for vacation and helped herself to some of their designer goodies-even taking one of the luxury cars they left behind out for a spin. She's a real gem ain't she?

 

After boring herself with this activity, she enlists the help of the "new kid" at school and together they "Google" celebrities addresses and start busting into their mansions whenever one is out of town. When I explain this to people, I'm constantly asked "well how did they know the celebrities were out of town?" Duh people, check your TMZ's and your BuzzFeed's more often.... Celebrities are constantly tweeting their whereabouts and a lot of them make a good chunk of change by traveling around the world for various appearances. You want to find out when Paris Hilton is going to be out of the country? Simply sign up for Google Alerts about her and you can pretty much gain access to her weekly schedule. It's pretty ridiculous.

 

So after these two start breaking into these celebrity homes, Paris' being the first, they of course start bragging to their "besties" about it and the whole gang decides they want to share in the fun. They then go on to commit robberies at the homes of Orlando Bloom, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson, Audrina Patridge and Megan Fox. They end up breaking into Paris' house a record 8 times but since girlfriend has so much damn stuff, she doesn't notice she's been robbed for quite some time. And, not to say she's to blame but, sister left the key under the mat apparently so....yeah...duh.......

 

The young thieves were eventually found out and sentenced to jail time (California tween/mini celebrity jail time, so like a month) but because they were all just so terrible in their magazine and television interviews following their sentencing, someone thought it would be a good idea to make a film about them. Paris was actually cool and let Sofia shoot in her actual house. I say actually cool, but when you see her house you'll realize she's just as vapid as those who stole from her.

 

So all in all, I enjoyed watching the film and leaving feeling completely disgusted with the youth of America, which, I'm assuming, was the goal. I was also very pleased with the young actors and actresses who portrayed these horrible members of society in the appropriate light. Film nerd fun factoid: This is the first film Emma Watson has been in that wasn't adapted from a book.

 

The Bling Ring, it was good to check out once if you've never heard of the story. But is it one you'll want to keep on the shelf of your entertainment center? I don't believe so.

 

Monsters University:

 

I wish I could properly express my love of Mike Wazowski. But you can never really express true adoration completely now can you? If there were ever an animated character I wish truly existed, it's ole one-eye. Especially in Monster's U.

 

If you liked the first film (if you don't, go to hell, seriously, what's wrong with you?) you're going to be extremely pleased with this one. Firstly, we start off seeing Mikey as an elementary schooler. Did you read that?!?! Mike Wazowski in elementary school!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sooooooo cute!!!

 

Seriously!!!! Look at himmm!!!!!!!! Could you just die?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!

 

And we discover how his character ends up becoming interested in attending MU. Shoot to a few years later, and we follow Mike along on his journey as a Freshman at one of the top "Scarer" schools in the country. He meets a jokey-type monster by the name of James Sullivan and the two become rather competitive with one another. I'm not going to give any of the fun away, but if you want to see how two monsters who start off not getting along, become the best of friends, go check out Monsters U. If you have kids, don't be a dick, bring them along! You'll be glad you did :)

 

I will admit, the basic moral of the story is, college isn't important and if you want something bad enough, you'll get it. Both aren't exactly true, but it's wrapped up in a nice, kid friendly package so I'm sure it'll go unnoticed to a lot of audiences. Regardless, go see it, Pixar can pretty much do no wrong.... 

 

I Need an Explaination

This week I was fortunate enough to be able to check out Kevin Hart's stand up special, Let Me Explain. I was extremely excited to check this out and ended up going with my dear friend Miss Carol and we had a blasty blast!

What I was not looking forward to checking out, was Gore Verbinski's The Lone Ranger. But check it out I did, let's see how it was shall we?

But first, Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain:

I'll admit, it's kind of silly to pay to watch someone do stand up on the silver screen when it's a lot better to see it in person or, if you're a cheapskate like me, wait for it to come to Comedy Central and watch it for free, repeatedly.

But we love us some Kevin Hart and thought it would be nice to make a night of it and share some laughs. I'm so glad we did-it was hysterical! I've seen some of his movies, I've seen episodes of his show The Real Husbands of Hollywood, but I don't think I've ever caught any of his standup stuff and for all of his showboating, the man really is an absolute delight. We were in stitches by the end of the "movie" and my dear Miss Carol kept saying, "He's crazy Lizz..." in between laughs.

I will say I thought the special started off kind of slow and there was a montage in which we're taken around the world to see Kevin's performances in different countries which really wasn't necessary or funny if I'm honest. But all in all, it was really good. It's a nice summer time special and if you enjoy anything Kevin has done, you should check this out. 

Sigh, The Lone Ranger:

After seeing World War Z and White House Down, I was feeling a little better about watching The Lone Ranger. I thought all three films looked terrible and the first two really surprised me so I was hopeful. 

Well, two out of three ain't bad....

My real issue with The Lone Ranger right from jumpstreet, was the idea that Johnny Depp was really trying to play a convincing Comanche warrior. Now I understand the filmmakers were looking to stick to The Lone Ranger's television show-campiness, but you're really telling me Johnny Depp is going to play a Native American, and everyone should be alright with that? I don't know about you, but when I was watching his clips in the trailers, I was really insulted. The performance is completely disrespectful to the Native American people and I seriously cannot believe Disney felt this was alright to put in a "kids" movie. I was actually hoping his Tonto was going to be like the "Indian" in Last of the Mohegans: a white kid raised by natives but still, and the end of the day, a white man that's sympathetic to the Native plight. Sadly, no. His "injun" was a complete mockery and I was cringing throughout the entire film. What made matters worse was the fact that they tried to write Tonto's character like he was Jack Sparrow. An oddball, making goofy faces and saying goofy things while also somehow, sobering up and acting like a badass at the appropriate times. Nothing, I repeat, nothing about his character worked for me. 

But let's not tear up Johnny too bad, he enjoys making these movies, enjoys taking on a different character and genuinely likes making films for kids. Here's the thing though, this isn't a kids movie. It's Disney's attempt at cashing in on a classic franchise and making it kid friendly. But they missed the mark, by a lot. Firstly, the bad guy has cannibalistic tendencies and enjoys eating the hearts of his victims. Yup, it's a kids movie. Oh, and there's also scenes in a brothel and implications that the bad guys plan to rape the damsel in distress. Not to mention the first hour was a complete snoozefest. I literally heard snoring from someone in the front row, no, I really did. Nicely done Disney.

So to summarize, this "action" movie is a confused, campy, pile of crap. The filmmakers were so focused on cashing in on Johnny and The Lone Ranger franchise, that they completely missed the mark on delivering a  quality movie. Was it an action film? A kids movie? A comedy? A western? No. It was unsuccessfully all of those things making it, successfully, one super shitty (and racist) film. 

Please do not spend a dime on this. Go watch Pirates another 50 times, you'll thank me later. But if you don't believe me, here's a conversation I overheard two 12 year old girls having as they left the theater:

Between giggles:

"OMG, That was so stupid. It's funny because it was so stupid. I'm laughing because it was so stupid."

"That movie was so bad"

There's your audience Disney, nice job.

Surprise!

This review is a joy to write! I cannot wait to tell you folks about the two movies I just caught this week. White House Down and The Heat were awesome! Let's review!

White House Down:

I know I said nice things about Olympus Has Fallen in my review. I also talked a load of crap about this movie after seeing the trailers for it over and over again. But wow-I can't believe how wrong I was!

This film makes Olympus Has Fallen look like a sissy! I mean amature hour son! White House Down was full of action, none of the corniness that Olympus showered us with (seriously-cheeseball ridiculousness) and a ton of eye candy so girlfriends won't mind catching an action flick with their guys. 

I wanted nothing to do with this one because the trailers made it look like more a comedy then it was and also made Jamie Foxx's President seem as though we'd be getting an African American George Bush type-character. I was not thrilled after seeing the trailers repeatedly. Plus, we just had Olympus, what do we need this for?

I now ask you, what did we need Olympus for? I mean I know it's unfair to compare the two, and had they come out a year or two apart, I may not compare them at all. But damn, it is what it is and White House Down has come out on top. Oh, and James Woods is in it! James Woods! They don't even mention him in the trailers! What?!

Go see it :)

And now to bring The Heat:

This is one of those films that makes me really happy. You wait and wait and wait and keep seeing trailer and preview after trailer and preview. Ever clip and commercial makes you laugh and there anticipation and excitement build until it's finally here. And the best part? It doesn't disappoint!!!

I waited six months for this baby to come to theaters and I am happy to report it was completely worth the wait! Just as funny as the trailers would have you believe and thankfully, full of even more laughs and gags not shown in commercials! You will not stop laughing throughout this whole film. 

Melissa McCarthy is brilliant as always and Sandra Bullock delivers the same great performance you expect in everything she does. They are wonderful together and you will want to see this movie over and over again. 

I'll tell you right now, it was funnier than Identity Thief, so if you liked that one, you will absolutely pee your pants when you check this one out! It is NOT for children though! Please believe me when I say this. Melissa McCarthy does not deliver a single line that does not contain an "F" bomb. If you'd like your children to develop the most colorful vocabulary ever heard since, well, talking to me at work, then okay, let them see this one. But if you think the grown up words should be left to the grown ups, leave the kids at home. 

But definitely go see it. I'm serious, go right now!

The End is Nigh

This might be the easiest review I'll ever write. What can you say about a movie this enjoyable? Let's see, shall we?

This is the End:

Is it a guys movie? Sure is. Is it crude and something frat boys around the globe will quote until the end of time? You bet. Did I like it and do I recommend it? You're damn straight!

Please understand me, this is a fun summer time movie. There's nothing complicated about it, nothing that will cause you to sit back and analyze the direction your life is headed in; this movie was created by a group of friends whose main goal is to provide entertainment, pure and simple. 

It is absolutely full of dick jokes, curse words, weird sexual innuendo, drugs and booze. It's not the Hangover by any means, but it will make you laugh just as hard. If you're super conservative and don't find any of the films these actors have been in before amusing in anyway, please stay far away from this movie! It is not for you. It is for people with a sense of humor who can let themselves go for a night and just enjoy the cinematic piece of work in front of them. 

Get out there and laugh your faces off people!