Bathman vs. Superman

This is so hard for me to write about. I wanted to like this. I started off skeptical like everyone else and then as more trailers were released and more interviews were done with the cast and more fan theories went viral, I was all in. I even started out hating the idea of Ben Affleck playing Batman and all of that stuff turned me around. I was really looking forward to this. I thought, finally, finally DC got it right!

Oh how wrong I was! How foolish I had been to let all of that stuff sway me from my gut instincts!

They just tried too hard! They gave us too much! The film was 2 1/2 hours long and that time could have been better spent. The structure was off, the characters story lines were almost too developed in ways that left non-comic book readers scratching their heads and then they used story lines that were old and "so last year" that audiences sat there and thought, really? We're still going over this shit? I know it was suppose to take up right where the last Superman took off but after the first 10 minutes that was completely lost on the audience and it felt like a totally separate timeline and story.

The characters/actors had no chemistry. I hate to compare this to any of the Marvel films but when you watch those movies, the characters relationships are completely believable. If they hate each other-they really hate each other. If they're friends, you wish you were part of the squad. If they love each other, you were devastated if anything tore them apart.

In this film? I could give two shits about any of that. Personally, I hate this Lois Lane. I'm sick of her involvement and I want Superman to move on. Batman and Wonder Woman were written as if they're suppose to have some kind of sexual tension but they had as much chemistry on screen as Ben and Jen did in Gigli and they were actually together!

A lot of fans really dug Affleck's Batman and I have to give it up to him, he did the best he could with what he was given. Everyone for the most part really enjoyed Jeremy Irons' Alfred too. I wasn't as much of a fan of Alfred in this universe as he was written as a cynical grandpa, tired of his kids' shit and waiting for him to "grow the fuck up already". I much preferred the sweet, model-train-building grandpa-type Alfred we've become accustomed to in the past. Again, I know we're going for something much different here, but that's just what I would've liked.

This was suppose to be more film noir than the campy Batman/Superman films of yesteryear but Jesus, this was so dark! To compensate for this, the writers thought making Lex Luther a combination of the Joker, the Riddler and Scarecrow would be a good idea. Let's talk about Jesse Eisenberg for a moment, shall we? What the shit?? His Lex Luther was positively God-awful and I still can't figure out if he was written and directed that way on purpose or if that character was of his own design and they just went with it because they were too focused on fucking up every other aspect of this thing. Either way, train wreck. I know he'll be a returning character but I really hope they have him shift directions in his delivery because I found myself begging someone to punch him every time he was on screen and that's not a compliment of his performance. Lex Luther isn't some babbling shut-in with ADHD, he's Donald Trump with an education. Why can't DC get any of this right??

And visually?! Can I just take a minute to talk about how much Zack Snyder's directing annoys me? Why does everything look like it's been shot inside a black hole? Even when things exploded, I could only make out the fire-I had no idea what just exploded or why I should care. That's how dark this fucker was. I was sitting in an IMAX theater and squinting because I genuinely could not figure out what the fuck was happening on the mammoth screen before me. That's some sad ass shit right there. As a patron, that's not okay, I paid to actually see something Zack....

I shouldn't be too surprised, all of his films are this way. The only time it worked was when he was filming 300 in black and white (more sepia tones really but let's not dwell on the specifics).

See it though, if you're a fan of the comics, see it. They tried, well, at least, most of them tried. And they do give us a taste of the movies yet to come in the franchise so that's pretty neat. Aquaman looks good but we've been fooled before and Zack is directing that one as well so enjoy squinting for two hours. Zack, we know it's dark in the bowels of the sea but come on dude, you could make out everything in the Abyss and that shit is hella old now. Get it together....

The Bronze

This was one of the most odd-ball comedies I've seen in quite awhile. It made me laugh, yes, but more often then not I was shaking my head at the characters lines and situations.

Melissa Rauch definitely took on a whole new persona. Her character was foul mouthed and self centered and on all accounts, trashy as hell. I left feeling like she purposely chose this role, not because she was in love with the character, but as a career move, in the hopes that people won't try and type-cast her as the sweet innocent nerdy gal she plays in Big Bang Theory. Then you find out she wrote the thing and you're like, wait...what??

Sebastian Stan was in it which was lovely but he played a real jerk-off too. The only likable character in the film was played by Thomas Middleditch but his role wasn't much of a stretch when you see that he plays the same, socially awkward, shy guy in Silicone Valley. I don't know, this was like Napoleon Dynamite, ridiculous and uncomfortable but sadly, not as funny, at least for me.  

Miracles from Heaven

I love movies like this. I completely believe these stories are true and that these experiences really did happen to these folks in real life.

I love how full of heart they are and how they always leave you feeling good and happy for the family and their future together. You connect with them as if they were your neighbors.

Yes, the writing is a little cheesy but if you know anything about films like this, you'd expect nothing less.

I don't want to say anything negative but I must bring up the fact that Jennifer Garner's performance was really frustrating for me. These folks live in Texas and dad has a thick southern accent. Jennifer's character is suppose to have one in real life as well? I formed that as a question because she didn't seem to know either. You don't even need to see the movie to understand what I'm talking about, just watch the trailer. Sometimes she's got a southern drawl, other times she sounds like she lives in Connecticut. I spent the entire length of the film willing her to just pick one and stick with it, I genuinely didn't care, I was just tired of rolling my eyes.

Good family flick though. Nice story, sweet ending, bring the kids.

London Has Fallen

I certainly liked this movie better than the first but I don't know if that's saying too much. The acting was still forced in spots and I think the writing was just a little too over the top. There's patriotic, and then there's ridiculous.

The action was good, a lot of stuff going on almost all the time. Everything boiled down to the writing and execution of, at times, silly lines by the actors.

The President gets taken by the bad guys and is being beaten up on camera and recites the oath of office. It reminded me of the first film when one of the aides to the President was taken for questioning by the bad guys and she started screaming the Pledge of Allegiance as she's being dragged across the floor. I mean, that's some gag-worthy cheese right there.

What killed me, was that they brought that same annoying character back (with a terrible hair style) and once the bad guy reveals himself, she leans over to someone in the Situation Room and explains who he is (you'll see this in the preview). Now, I understand this might be somewhat necessary for the audience but I can't help but feel that if you're a dude with a high enough security clearance to find himself sitting among the President's Chiefs of Staff in the Situation Room, you're going to know who the hell is on the US list of wanted assholes. Just sayin'.  

While a lot of films impart just a touch of humor to keep the audience entertained and maybe even motivated to give a crap about the characters, the corn-ball one liners and "dad jokes" throughout this film are really annoying and distracting, at least from me, from the overall feel of the film. That's a bummer because they'll no doubt continue to make them (at least another one for a trilogy) and it would be nice if I could actually look forward to seeing it.